Jennifer had been caring for her mother, Peggy, full-time for a year, ever since her mother was diagnosed with Parkinson’s. Jennifer and her mother got along most of the time, but recently they had both started to feel a strain in their relationship. Jennifer found it harder to be patient with her mother, especially when Peggy was resisting help with basic daily tasks. Since she had started caregiving, Jennifer hadn’t taken a day off. She felt that since she had taken on the role of primary caregiver, she had to personally oversee her mother’s care. Plus, she was hesitant to trust anyone else to care for her mother properly. But after a year of constant care, with her mother’s progressing Parkinson’s requiring more involved care over time, Jennifer was starting to feel the toll that caregiving was taking on her own physical and emotional health. She hadn’t spent much time on her own care, and she couldn’t remember the last time she had met up with a friend without bringing her mother with her.
When Jennifer’s sister visited Jennifer and Peggy, she saw the exhaustion in Jennifer’s eyes and noticed the tension between Peggy and Jennifer. Worried, she asked if there was anything she could do to help. Jennifer didn’t want to ask for help, but she did feel like she needed a break. She opened up to her sister about how she was feeling but explained that their mother now required specialized care that she wasn’t sure she could explain to someone who hadn’t been a caregiver before. Jennifer’s sister was determined to help her, so she started looking into local agencies that offered part-time care. She was having trouble sorting through the options, and she wasn’t sure exactly what level of care her mother required or what kind of relief would be best for her sister. When she came across Infinity Care Solutions, she decided to reach out and see if we could help support her sister. We were happy to help and arranged an initial assessment meeting with Jennifer and Peggy.
At our first meeting, our care manager noticed that Jennifer was showing signs of caregiver burnout. The care manager brought this up to Jennifer and suggested a few available respite care options. Since Jennifer’s sister had already offered her help, the care manager suggested that Jennifer accept the offer and take an afternoon off. She could meet up with friends or spend some much-needed time relaxing. The care manager told Jennifer that taking a break didn’t mean she was abandoning her mother or failing as a caregiver. Caregiving is a difficult role. Accepting help so that Jennifer could spend time on self-care would make her a better caregiver in the long run. Jennifer explained her worries about training her sister to care for her mother. Our care manager assured Jennifer that we could help educate her sister and suggested that Jennifer let her sister “shadow” her one day to learn Peggy’s daily routine. Jennifer agreed to take one afternoon off and see how it went.
Jennifer got in contact with one of her friends and arranged to meet up at a coffee shop to catch up. Jennifer’s sister rearranged her work schedule to have that afternoon off. Peggy was happy to spend more time with her other daughter. When Jennifer got home, her sister happily told her that everything went well. The arrangement worked so well that Jennifer asked if her sister could do the same thing once a month.
After a few months of the new arrangement, Jennifer realized that she needed to take an actual vacation. Though one afternoon off a month was more relief that she had had before, Jennifer needed to take a longer break to refill her emotional and physical energy. She spoke with the care manager about the options for her mother’s care. Jennifer planned on taking an entire week, and her sister couldn’t get that much time off work. The care manager found a local assisted living community that offered temporary stays. The care manager assured Jennifer that she would check on Peggy regularly and send Jennifer updates. Jennifer gratefully accepted this option and booked her trip.
Taking time off helped Jennifer to address her own needs and make sure that she was staying healthy both physically and emotionally. Her relationship with her mother became better as Jennifer cared for her own needs and had the energy to be more patient. Jennifer’s improved attitude affected her mother’s attitude as well. Peggy was happier when she knew that her daughter was no longer overwhelmed.
If someone in your family is facing a similar situation to Jennifer and Peggy’s, reach out to us today! Infinity Care Solutions is here to provide family caregivers, and their aging loved ones, with the support they need to thrive.
Learn more about support for family caregivers:
Balancing Act: Managing Caregiving Responsibilities and Marital Roles
Practical Challenges and Emotional Turmoil in Caregiving
Sharing the Load: Sarah’s Family Caregiving Story in Bakersfield, California
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