We were so excited to finally get a chance to see Nana and Papa. It had been 2 years since we had been able to go to their home for the Holidays. Life was busy but our business was just getting back on track after the pandemic, and we could afford the short flight.
We picked up our rental car at the airport and drove up to the house. We started to notice a number of things that did not look quite right. The yard didn’t look as groomed as it usually did. And where are the Christmas lights that usually lined the porch?
Nana and Papa greeted us at the door with hellos and hugs. Nana gets a tear in her eye and asks where the kids are. We let her know our two adult children, her grandchildren, were not joining us this trip but would be planning a visit very soon. We were concerned because we had explained this to her a couple of times before the visit. Besides, I told her with a hug, we want you all to ourselves this trip. The house had a few decorations set out. The tree had lights because they were built in but no ornaments or ribbons as it used to have. I could see the box of decorations sitting next to the tree so assumed we they wanted our help hanging the decorations.
My husband and Papa went out to the living room, while Nana and I went into the kitchen. How normal is that? I asked Nana if anyone else would be joining us this holiday and she said no. She said It had been a struggle just to get done what they had and more people would really make things harder for them. I did notice the kitchen was dim, had a stale smell, and annoying little fruit flies everywhere.
My husband and I reconvened in the foyer after a short visit to take our things to the guest room. We both said simultaneously, “I am glad we are here.” We could both see Nana and Papa had aged – seemingly overnight. Little things were just not getting done or even noticed. Simple things like getting trash out to the cans, papers into the recycler, wiping down the kitchen counters, or throwing out over ripe fruit in the fruit bowl. We notice a few light bulbs needed replacement but required a step stool to access them.
My husband and I talked for a bit before rejoining them. We wanted to help but not in an invasive way, no judging or scolding but sincerely wanting to help in any way we could. We decided to approach with a “what can we do to help” manner. We mentioned we could help with dinner, the tree decorations, getting some of the garbage out to the cans, and a bit of yard work. They were receptive and assisted with the tasks at hand.
The realization of the depth of the situation became clear when it was time to make dinner and I realized that they didn’t have the groceries needed to make a holiday dinner. I looked through the things available and made a list to send my husband to the store to fill in some needed items, which he willingly accomplished.
We pulled off what needed to be done, made several observations about their health and living conditions. We talked with them about how they were feeling and if they thought about having some help come in during the week to help with housework and some of the cooking. They were very open to it but didn’t know where to start or what to do.
While we were still in town, we made some calls and were able to find a care manager in the area who was available for a home visit to meet Nana and Papa. She was able to see what was needed, getting to know them enough to know where the challenges would be and what options would fit with them in the short term. Once that was taken care of, she would also have some long-term options for them to explore.
My husband and I would have never known what was going on had we not visited. It was an eye opener since our conversations with them did not indicate anything other then they were moving a little slower these days and Nana was having a bit of a memory issues, but Papa seemed like he was managing. They always said they were feeling pretty good, or getting ready for one thing or another.
Make that visit, contact a care manager. Nana and Papa will be well taken care of from here on out and we will be visiting them often. We hope to move them closer with the help of their care manager who has helped all of us see the concerns and the solutions available. They can live in their own home with some in home care assistance until it is time for the next step. Having the care manager local to them is such a relief, we know that the care manager will tell us if there are any concerns and will watch out for them when we can’t be there.
If you have concerns about an aging parent or relative, please give us a call at 877-337-0922 or email us at cassandra@infinitycaremanagers.com” to find out how we can help.
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