Margaret had lived a life of isolation, routine, and voicelessness. She had been raised by her mother Selma who was committed to Margaret. Selma was hard working and strong, all 5’0″ of her. Selma and her husband, Robert, had Margaret in 1950. Margaret was a physically healthy baby with big lungs; however, doctors told Selma and Robert, that she was delayed mentally and showed signs that she would not be the same as other kids.
Margaret was the third child to born to Selma. It was suggested Margaret be put in an institution to be cared for and to live with people like her. Selma felt strongly that it was her child and her responsibility to keep Margaret at home, and raise her in the family home, to give her as much of a life that she could. Having 2 older siblings they would be expected to help with the chores and care-taking needed around the home. Selma and her husband were farmers, so their days were long and full of hard work.
As Margaret grew, her day started in the country kitchen where she would enjoy hot chocolate, toast, and a big bowl of Oatmeal for breakfast. Her lunch was soup and sandwich and then she had dinner with the family. There was a lot of frustration as she struggled with communication as she was non-verbal. She wanted to do everything the other kids were doing and when she was unable to manage it, she would have outbursts of frustration and sometimes hit her brother and sister, so there was often aggravation with having her hanging around or following them.
Selma would give her meaningless tasks such as sitting in the dining room at a card table, or outside at the picnic table, tearing newspapers into strips or cutting them up into small piece with scissors. Pile after pile. The card table became Maggie’s table.
The family would acknowledge her as they walked past her and would stop and talk to her, although she could not respond verbally, she would acknowledge with her eyes. On the farm, they had several types of animals and she loved to sit with the rabbits and open the cage to pet her favorite bunny. She would make cooing noises to the bunny.
There were visitors to the house and extended family would visit, but they were always asked to stay away from Maggie’s table and asked not to touch anything on the table. She was very protective of the things on her table and very attached to her immediate family but saw others who visited infrequently as a threat.
Robert worked the farm until his death in early 2000 and her son continued running the farm. Selma continued to care for Margaret, who remained responsive to her direction, but at times there were outbursts where Selma would end up with a bruise or two. Margaret was 5’7″ by this time, so Selma was no match for her in weight or stature.
Selma’s older daughter, Helen, was starting to notice the changes in Selma and really wanted to get plans made for the future. Selma was approaching 70 and Margaret was approaching 50 years of age. It was time to make some decisions.
Helen was able to find an adult residential treatment program that would help transition Margaret to a life outside of her family home. This was going to take time and effort to make it work for both Selma and Margaret. It would start with a day visit program where Margaret could start to interact more with people her own age who were also living with developmental delays. Selma was open to this and for good reason. Not long after the visits Selma had started to decline, fallen and broken a hip. Helen, made arrangements for Selma’s care and was able to complete the arrangements for Margaret’s move.
Margaret did not immediately take to the changes, but Helen made sure that she could visit Selma and Margaret seemed to understand that Selma was not her old self. She slowly adapted to the new living environment and eventually flourished in her new surroundings.
At the time that Helen was going through this process she didn’t know that there were care experts in the form of care managers who could have helped her with the transition. She did a good job with the process but there were times when she wondered if she would make it through. Sharing this experience with her daughter created a desire to help people and Helen’s daughter went to school for social work and decided to make a difference for families by working as a care manager. She helps families much like hers to plan and make transitions a bit easier. Change is rarely easy, for anyone, but by having a plan it can help calm the situation. Care managers have a vast supply of resources and help families find care solutions every day.
Don’t let your parents’ love and devotion for their developmentally disabled adult child go so far that they don’t create a plan and have the peace of knowing their adult child will be well taken care of. If you are a parent of a special needs adult child and don’t know where to start, reach out today by phone at 877-337-0922 or email us at cassandra@infinitycaremanagers.com”, and we’ll be happy to help.
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